The way I see it...
HI. Nice to meet you. Welcome to The Sylviad. I am inspired by quotes, books, songs, movies, pictures. Also, I'm obsessed with bookcases. Follow @thesylviad I'm on twitter! Tweet tweet!
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- me: oooh. I was cleaning out my hard drive and found aaallll these old AIM convos that I saved and also the "journal" that I kept on word for some of freshman year
- Ishyyy: of what???
- me: I don't know why I kept some. I think I just liked the people I had the conversation with. or sometimes it was meaningful. but mostly I'm like what? why did I keep this lol. but it been really crazy seeing all the ways I've changed all surprisingly all the ways some of my core values have stayed the same
- Sent at 11: 56 AM on Friday
- Ishyyy: ahahaha damn
- me: or not values...but beliefs. and things I would know about myself. and the ways that I would describe myself. that haven't changed at all.
- Ishyyy: aw i have my word journal "diarY" too hahah
- me: it's so weird that I knew those things about myself like 7 or more years ago
- you still have it?
- Ishyyy: yeaaa i doo. its long. def dont wanna read it. itll be embarrassing im sure hahaha
- me: yeah I just read some of the last entries. I didn't want to read it all haha
- me: but like some stuff is funny. like gurjit pointed out that I'm the only one who calls him gurjit in one convo. and I was like yeah I only like calling people by what they introduced themselves to me as
- which is true...it took me SO LONG to start calling you Ish hahaha
- and everyone else is the same
- Ishyyy: i think itd be weird
- me: and there was this really REALLY interesting part in one of my diary entries
- Ishyyy: if i went bak and read convos to see what my relationship was with ppl im not close to anymore. what was the interesting part
- me: yeah I didn't feel like reading those
- me: so the interesting part was that I was like ...I'll just look for it
- it's some good stuff
- Sent at 12: 03 PM on Friday
- me: "My niceness seems to give guys the wrong impression every which way! They either read my niceness as being that way because I like them. Or, as I’ve recently found out, I’m a really nice person but too nice to be considered as more than a friend. WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE??? I am FINALLY being myself with everyone I meet and even that blows in my face. Blah blah BLAH! And I don’t understand myself either with what I want. I dream of a guy who would do anything for me, who would be sweet, gentleman-ly, and give me things. But I think when people act like that for real I get uncomfortable and don’t know how to deal with the kindness…and then feel like I don’t deserve it. So I settle for the guys who aren’t good enough for me…for the unreliable ones…for the ones where I have to put in more effort than I should have to. And then I just end up getting hurt…I don’t know where exactly I’m going with this one since I’ve never actually had anything that serious to go off of…but that’s what I think will happen for me in the future…and I don’t think I can avoid it."
- Sent at 12: 06 PM on Friday
- Ishyyy: omgg thats so weird. bc that is what happened kind of!
- me: I predicted my own future. isn't that fucking crazy??? lolll
- Ishyyy: hahaha thats soooo crazy!!! well i guess u know urself
- me: yeah it's so weird haha
- Sent at 12: 08 PM on Friday
- me: I've learned now though. I'm not as nice. and I'm open about my opinion on things. which makes it way easier to find someone who will accept me fully. I still think overly romantic stuff makes me uncomfortable. because I don't know how to take it. but what a gentleman is is someone who respects you and your opinions. and your differences. and even if he doesn't agree with you will stand up for you to someone else. that's a good guy.
- Ishyyy: yaa. anyone who doesnt fuck u over is a good guy hahahaha
- me: hahaha it's sad how rare that is
- Ishyyy: i know right. when did loyalty become such a problem
- me: when cowardice overshadowed it...and dumbassness
- Ishyyy: hahaha total cowardice. thats what i hate actually. cowards
- me: I DO TOO
- Ishyyy: thats my number one hate almost more than liars. bc liars come from cowards
- me: yes
- mine is not being open
- triple threat
- those three things all intertwine
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Longhorn Humor: 50 Reasons Why Being a Longhorn is Awesome
50. Because we live in Austin, Texas
49. Because the 40 Acres is a beautiful campus
48. Because you can study in this library
47. Because spotting this little fellow before a test is good luck
46. Because Chaps > Overalls
45. Because Hook ‘em!
44….
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The In Between Dreams: This is going to be completely informal and not like how I usually...
This is going to be completely informal and not like how I usually write…
Now you may proceed:
I don’t understand sometimes why people get so annoyed at people posting about getting engaged or married or having babies…I mean WTF?? It’s someone sharing their HAPPINESS with the world!!! And you…
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The In Between Dreams: To The Disappointer:
I’m so angry with you that I feel numb. I’m so angry with you that I don’t even want to talk to you, because I don’t think you’re worth it. I don’t think you’re worth a single piece of my mind. And I’m so angry at myself for ever believing anything you ever said. You’re full of bullshit just like…
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The In Between Dreams: Break Up
On a completely different note…
I wanted to write about a little insight I had on breakups. Every relationship is different, and therefore every break up is different. There is no break up that is the same. No one in the world that has the same feelings as your broken heart. Similar, maybe, but…
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Everything happens for a reason is a lie. I don’t know why I ever believed my own bullshit. This is why I stopped believing the first time…
Bad things happen to good people. Bad people do awful things every day and never have to pay for them. Wash, rinse, repeat.
So…everything simply happens. And the world keeps turning. And nothing ever gets better. But we keep fighting and hoping it will. That maybe for a moment we will feel complete before we have to unexpectedly leave this life behind.
This is all I can think right now…this is beyond my understanding.
